Chapter Three ~ Empty of Breath

Well, like I said, our plans did not work out! What was going to happen?  Were we going to be homeless in Hawai’i, in a Jaguar? Ha!   What made that thought so real and scary was that we were homeless for three months in 2009.  After the property purchase did not happen, due to property values falling faster than rain and other issues with the structural inspection, we were out.  It took a lot of energy and money to pack up and move to Hawai'i.  Now what?

Jesus says "I will never leave you or forsake you."  He is faithful and trustworthy. 

Jesus did provide for us, He always has and he always will.  We did not sleep or live in our car, we just did not have a place to call home.  Sometimes the answer feels slow, like 

chug chug chug! we just have to be really patient.  We have to wait!  Since that is not my strong quality God has to allow things to happen in my life to grow my patience and to continually show me His faithfulness.

Over that three month period, we lived in three different homes.  Friends from the church we attended were very gracious to help us with a bedroom.  We had to pay for a 5 x 10 storage unit, that's all we could afford.   It was crammed to the ceiling! 

Again, provision happens!  God provided us a free 10 x 20 storage unit, from the storage unit owner!  Our free unit was gifted in April 2010 and lasted until March 2011.  A miracle!  How awesome is that, right?   We also stored church decorations in there, since everywhere I go I decorate, that's what I do:)

Back to December 2010...

In December 2010, my continual prayers felt empty of breath.  We were living in a downstairs unit, that was part of a house.  It’s very popular in Hawai’i to build out anything that has walls and a floor.  Every square inch of a home has value, wow, does it ever!  So there we were, Jesus had put us there May 2010 on Aloha Kona Drive.

When we moved to Aloha Kona Drive, that put us back in town, close to all things fun.  

I was encouraged by a friend to apply at the only discount store in town.  The store was moving to a nice new location and so I applied online.  Within an hour my phone rang and an hour later I had an interview.  Yes, I got the job.  I was very thankful for the income. Other monies we were receiving would be coming to an end early 2011 and our retirement funds were down to almost nothing.

One day we were basically out of food, I was in town  when I looked down and there was a hundred dollar bill on the ground.  I looked around, no one was around.  Thank you Jesus for your provision.  He is faithful.

Of course, Jim was seeking employment on a daily bases, but nothing was right.  Even a possible position within his experience on the Big Island did not pass every detail needed. The biggest surprise and question was "where’s the money?"  RE Management is not a low income job!  It was God closing that door and we accepted that and kept on trusting.

 January 2011 ~ Happy New Year...

By the time January 2011 came, I was at the end of my rope. That is just where Jesus is ready “to do His story in us ”.

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  I am continually working on it.  I have taken every category of medications available, not all at once!  Continually hoping. I have had years of therapy and counseling.  Everyday I pray and believe that ‘one day’ when I least expect it I will wake up and this anxiety disorder will be gone.  I want it replaced with the Spirit of Peace, Calm, and Order.  Who knows?  But that’s alright, I have Jesus.  He is my rock, my salvation and my best friend forever.  I love you Jesus.

As January started, I remember feeling so full of faith and yet so empty. There was nothing I could do on my own.  Even my prayers felt empty of breath.

"just Jesus“ please

It was time. I had gone through so many emotions on our journey in Kailua-Kona, Hawai’i. It became very clear to me that I wanted to see Jesus.

 I no longer wanted anything else, just Jesus. 

I went to bed early. I did not know how I could go thru another day.

It had been several months since Jim started to apply for jobs on O'ahu. It was obvious that we needed to think 'outside this island'.  Then, one of them called! It seemed like an awesome plan to move forward.

Oh no! One little hitch, hurdle, wall ot call it a door slammed shut.  We did not have any money to fly Jim over to O'ahu for the interview.  Zoom interviews were not a thing back then.  This was beyond us. We looked at all the avenues we had for money, right now!  None, nada, zip!  There was absolutely nothing to make it happen.

I did not realize it at the time, but it was not a flop at all.  An informal noun, flop is defined as "a total failure".  The plan had been a flop!  No! really that job and location was not for us!  Little did we know that the location, the property, the entire situation was not us.  Who knew?  Jesus always knows:)  Amen.

I was tired. 

I felt afraid.

Ugh.

Goodnight.

Chapter Four ~